Assertiveness at Work

This hub is all about how to be more assertive at work. Over the last 8 years I've been helping people with many of the major obstacles to assertiveness: Confidence and Self-Esteem are amongst the most important. I'd like to share some of the ideas that I use in my Assertiveness Courses here in the UK.

Before that, I think it's important for you to understand that being assertive does not necessarily mean being aggressive or angry with people. In fact, if you are a nice person (and everyone I've met and helped become more assertive has been) then this is likely to be one of the main fears that stops you from being assertive.

There is a middle ground, where you can remain true to yourself and stand up for yourself in a calm and collected manner. When you are assertive, people accept you and allow you the time and space to make your points.

Thanks for reading,

Dan O'Neil

Life Coach

Know Your Audience

Before the main article, a quick word about knowing your audience. If you are intending to be more assertive at work, there are some people with whom this will be acceptable and others with whom it will not. For example, you may choose to be assertive with a colleague who is imposing on your work time, however you may choose not to be assertive with your boss. If you do choose to be assertive with people in authority over you, then make sure you remain calm and do not do anything that may jeopardise your career.

1. Stance and Posture

How you stand, and what your general posture is like, is how most people determine what you are like and whether you have something worth listening to. If you stand hunched, head down, shuffling your hands or feet, or are cowering in the corner of a room, the chances are that people will not approach you or if you are having a conversation, they are unlikely to take you very seriously.

The key to a good assertive posture is in the shoulders. If you put them back and allow your chest to come forward, the rest of your body will follow and your head will come up. This is a good starting point for an assertive posture.

Most people struggle with what to do with their hands, my advice is to find a comfortable place to hold them together (best is behind your back as it forces your shoulders to remain back) or hook your thumbs into your trouser pockets.

Be very aware of your feet too - they are the furthest from the brain and give you away! They often point to the door if you are wanting to leave a situation, or they will shuffle as though trying to run. Plant them a comfortable distance apart and keep them still.

2. Eye Contact

Most people find this very difficult - in most western cultures eye contact is a good indicator that someone is listening and it also indicates that they are confident in themselves. This is extremely helpful when you are trying to assert yourself. This is not a game to see who can hold eye-contact the longest - that is aggressive. A suggestion is to spend equal time looking at each eye and the mouth (like three points of a triangle) so as not to enter a staring match or intimidate the other person. Obviously you have to make this appear as natural as possible.

3. Voice Quality

Consider how you sound when you speak. If you are looking to speak up in a meeting and make a point, then it's probably not going to be taken very seriously if you make it quietly in a high squeaky voice. It is possible to make small changes to your voice over time, so if you are high pitched, then take time to practice lowering the pitch of your voice. If you normally are quite quiet, then begin to increase the volume of your normal speaking voice. We're not talking about shouting here, simply being louder when necessary to make your point.

4. Have a Healthy Sense of Yourself

This is the hardest part for most people and actually the most crucial. I'm talking here about self-esteem and self-confidence. If you struggle with these areas then these are the areas you need to work on in order to become more assertive. Begin by finding 5 people who are close to you, a friend, a partner or family member, a work colleague and 2 other people of your choice. Ask each of them to write a list of 5 qualities about you that they like. Try not to give any other instructions even if they ask you to be specific! It works best when people write what they think is best. Get these lists back and then read them. People who do this exercise are surprised by the things that other people see in them that they often don't recognise or acknowledge about themselves. Better self-esteem leads to improved self-confidence and ultimately being assertive will take care of itself.

I hope this hub has helped you to consider your own level of assertiveness at work. If you have any specific questions, then I'd love to hear from you - leave a comment and I'll reply as soon as I am able.